011. untitled

The last time we saw each other, was in April.

The last time we spoke to each other, was also in April.

And I wonder, if you hadn’t come to Japan and visit me during your trip, would we have talked at all? Would I have initiated any sort of extended conversation beyond “hello”s and “how are you”s? Would all I have left of you be the distant memories from 3-4 years ago, with the occasional messages sent here and there?

I’ll always remember the late night talks, drunken nights, and amazing trips we had together. How I could never understand you over the phone, yet in person everything made sense. How you refused to eat fish (and a whole list of other things), yet came with us to kaiten sushi all the time. You left me so many wonderful memories to cherish, and I wish there were more.

Thank you for being you. Thank you for being a part of my life.

I never published this but… it’s been almost a year. I still miss you.

010. a small fear

I try not to be too negative all the time (I consider myself a realist over optimist/pessimist) — especially on my blog (because no one wants to read that, right?) but sometimes… it just needs to be let out, you know?

I’ve noticed recently that I have a strange fear. Maybe ‘fear’ is a strong word, but this is something I worry about. Not constantly, but once the fear comes, it doesn’t go away. I fear that the people around don’t actually like me or want to spend time with me at all — that they’re only doing it because I asked, because they said they would, because it’s convenient. I fear that I’ll do something stupid and ruin my relationship with those around me.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have a lot of close friends, and I’m scared of losing the few that I do have. Maybe it’s because I’m awkward when it comes to meeting new people and I can’t start conversations properly. Maybe it’s because I’m bad at keeping in touch or replying to messages. Maybe it’s because I’ll do or say something without thinking and then later realise that it could’ve come off as being inconsiderate.

Maybe this is something that everyone is afraid of and I’m just overthinking it.

009. dining in the dark | review

During my two days in Kuala Lumpur back in January, instead of feasting on local Malaysian cuisine, we opted for a four course western style meal on one of the nights at this particular restaurant (everything else we had was local, of course). DINING In The DARK. It’s exactly as the name suggests — your sense of sight is completely taken away, and you must rely on your remaining four senses in the darkness. The menu is kept a secret until the meal is over; designed to keep your taste buds guessing and entertained throughout the night. The concept certainly intrigued us, and with a 4.5 average rating on TripAdvisor, we decided to call in and reserve a spot for two.

We were told to arrive 15 minutes earlier for an “ice breaker” session to prepare us for the night. First, we were offered a complimentary mystery drink and was asked to guess the four ingredients (fruits) in it. In the second game, we were blindfolded and given a small bowl with some uncooked rice and four paper clips inside. Our challenge was to find at least two. Both games were surprisingly hard — something I would never have realised if I could use my sight. After we chose our menu and drinks (we opted for the Classic Menu), we had our belongings stored away, and was introduced to our “darkness expert” Darius, who would be taking care of us for the rest of the night.

Darius led us inside, and besides the two red emergency lights at what seemed like the very top of the ceiling, everything else was pitch black. Darius explained everything in such detail, including the direction of the chair; what was laid out in front of us; and which side he would be serving each course from. Instead of one dish per course, each course consisted of a few dishes, served in smaller plates that we could easily pick up even without our sight. The kind couple next to us offered a few words of wisdom before we began — to ditch the utensils and just attack the food with our hands. While my fork remained untouched, I did use my spoon throughout the night (of course, when it became too hard I took their advice — and it worked perfectly!) To be completely honest, I had no idea what I was eating most of the night. I could figure out the basics, such as salads, pasta, ice cream… but I couldn’t figure out exactly what sort of ingredients and seasoning were used — the flavours were a mystery to me. They were familiar, yet I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I never realised just how much I depended on my sight, and how weak my taste buds are.

a selection of the December 2014 menu we had – taken from their website and used with permission.

After we finished, we were let outside into the bar area and given a menu with the dishes we just tasted. Looking through each one certainly surprised me, I had no idea that I had just eaten scallops, salmon, or venison! (There were a few things that I did manage to pick up — quinoa, radish, that one obvious quail egg…) While the concept is the main selling point of DINING In The DARK, it doesn’t mean they skimp out on the quality of their food. Gimmick-y or not, the food was indeed delicious. What I also loved is that all the “darkness experts” are either blind or visually impaired. It really enforces the idea that we are all equals inside that room — if anything, they have more of an advantage over us, the opposite of how it usually is.

Overall, I definitely recommend DINING in the DARK, if you’re okay with the idea of being blinded for two hours. Many people who gave negative reviews were uncomfortable with the darkness, which is the whole idea of their restaurant! I’d do it again if I had the chance, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll get more than just three things correct next time…

008. bucket list: japan edition

Things I want to accomplish before leaving Japan:

  1. Visit all 4 islands (& Okinawa):
    •   Hokkaido Feb ’12
    •   Honshu Sept ’11—Feb ’12; Aug ’14—present
    •   Shikoku Jul ’15
    •   Kyushu Mar ’15
    •   Okinawa
  2. Attempt to visit all 47 prefectures of Japan:
    •   Hokkaido
    •   Tohoku: Aomori, Iwate, Miyagi, Akita, Yamagata, Fukushima
    •   Kanto: Ibaraki, Tochigi, Gunma, Saitama, Chiba, Tokyo, Kanagawa
    •   Chubu: Niigata, Toyama, Ishikawa, Fukui, Yamanashi, Nagano, Gifu, Shizuoka, Aichi
    •   Kansai: Mie, Shiga, Kyoto, Osaka, Hyogo, Nara, Wakayama
    •   Chugoku: Tottori, Shimane, Okayama, Hiroshima, Yamaguchi
    •   Shikoku: Tokushima, Kagawa, Ehime, Kochi
    •   Kyushu: Fukuoka, Saga, Nagasaki, Kumamoto, Oita, Miyazaki, Kagoshima, Okinawa
  3. Eat the following:
    •   Kobe beef Mar ’15
    •   horse meat Jul ’12; Mar ’15
    •   fugu Mar ’15
    •  
    live octopus
  4. Eat ramen and/or oden at a yatai (food stall). Fukuoka trip Mar ’15
  5. Perform a taiko concert.
  6. Watch a sumo match.
  7. Watch a baseball match. Hanshin Tigers vs Hiroshima Carp @ Kyocera Dome Aug ’16
  8. Spend a day in Kyoto wearing a kimono. Apr ’16
  9. Do a geisha/maiko photoshoot. Feb ’16
  10. Ride the shinkansen. Nov ’15 Tokyo—Osaka
  11. Go to the following cafés:
    •   cat café Dec ’11
    •   bunny café
    •   owl café Aug ’15
    •   reptile café Nov ’16
    •   maid and/or butler café Sep ’16
  12. Go to a host club.
  13. Wear my yukata during a summer festival. Yuasa Festival Aug ’15, Aug ’16
  14. See the following singers/groups/bands live:
    •   Big Bang YG Family concert Jan ’12; Japan Dome Tour ‘X’ Jan ’15
    •   F.T Island 5th Anniversary Arena Tour 5…..GO Jun ’15
    •   2NE1 YG Family concert Jan ’12
    •   iKON iKONCERT 2016: SHOWTIME Tour Feb ’16
    •   WINNER
    •   Hey!Say!JUMP
    •   alice nine.
    •   ONE OK ROCK
  15. Attend a fanmeeting meet an idol up close. F.T Island Hi Touch event Jun ’15
  16. Pass JLPT N2. Dec ’15
  17. Pass JLPT N1.
  18. Go cherry blossom viewing (hanami). Apr ’15
  19. Stay the night in a manga café. Nov ’15
  20. Go up Tokyo Sky Tree.
  21. Go to the Sapporo Snow Festival. Feb ’12
  22. Visit the following islands:
    •   Tashirojima (cat island – Miyagi)
    •   Okunoshima (bunny island – Hiroshima) Sep ’16
    •   Zao Kitsune Village (fox island – Miyagi)
  23. Stay in a capsule hotel. Jan ’15; Jun ’15
  24. Climb Mt. Fuji. July ’12 
  25. Visit Jigokudani Monkey Park in Nagano.
  26. Visit the following Ghibli-related areas:
    •   Ghibli Museum 
    •   Satsuki and Mei’s house (Aichi) May ’16
    •   Sprited Away’s bathhouse inspiration (Dogo Onsen – Matsuyama) Shikoku trip Jul ’15
    •   Sprited Away’s town inspiration (Jiufen – Taiwan) Taiwan trip Sep ’15
    •   Mononoke’s Forest (Kusugawa Trail – Yakushima)
    •   Whisper of the Heart’s setting (Seiseki-Sakuragaoka – Tokyo)
    •   Totoro’s Forest (Sayama Hills – Saitama)
  27. Visit the lavender/flower fields (Furano & Biel) in Hokkaido.
  28. Go to a dessert buffet. Apr ’16
  29. Go to a summer rock festival.
  30. Volunteer over the summer.
  31. Attend Japan’s three biggest festivals:
    •   Gion Festival (Kyoto)
    •   Chichibu Night Festival (Saitama)
    •   Takayama Festival (Gifu)
  32. Finish a Japanese novel.
  33. Go on a Detective Conan Mystery Tour.

last update: 2016-12-17

007. “we are good friends”

I don’t like to talk about work too much on here, because in most cases it’ll just be me complaining about one thing or another. Not that I don’t like my job or living in Japan (I love it, actually), it’s just that as humans, we tend to dwell on the negatives instead of the positives. But I guess, I wanted to make a note of this while it’s still fresh my memory.

My 6th graders at my biggest school just finished performing their plays today. It wasn’t anything too serious, they only performed it within their own class and there weren’t any big props or anything. For those who are familiar with the infamous Hi, Friends! textbook that we use in Japanese elementary schools, this was for Book 2, Lesson 7 “We are good friends”. This is the lesson that everyone seems to hate. From what I’ve heard, most ALTs think it’s pointless, and skip it if possible. I can definitely see where they’re coming from though — whether this lesson is successful or not, is hugely dependent on both the HRT and the students. I was a little worried considering the negativity, but I decided to ask my HRTs to see what they thought. We went ahead with it, but instead of doing Momotaro only, we decided to do five different stories. Because seeing the same play over and over again would be boring, right?

I worked together with my HRTs and we choose the following stories (based on the number of characters, how well they are known, ease of adapting into play etc): Momotaro, Big Turnip, Three Little Pigs, Cinderella and Snow White. Then I wrote the scripts, dialogue, and translated them into Japanese (in the end, my HRTs had to do so much correcting that I think it would’ve been faster if they had just translated it for me from the start, hah). I confirmed that it wasn’t too difficult, yet at the same time enough dialogue for the story to make sense.

We spent 6 weeks on this lesson. The first week, I briefly went over a few fairytales/folktales in English, just to get them into the whole idea. Then we (i.e, my HRT and I) told them that we will actually be performing the plays, and to make it fair, decided the parts via kuji (lottery). We handed out scripts during the second week. Of course, since my kids can’t read, they basically had to listen to me saying the dialogue, then transcribing into katakana if necessary. Both my classes at this school has 35+ kids… so it would’ve been impossible for me to go around repeating dialogues for everyone within the span of 45 minutes. Instead, my HRTs recorded me saying the dialogue and burned it onto CDs for each group. Let’s just say it was very weird hearing my voice repeatedly in every corner of the room…

After that, they had about 3 weeks to practice the dialogue, remember it, create props if they wanted to, figure out gestures, and somehow turn it into a play. Japanese kids are very shy (or maybe it’s just my kids), so getting them out of their comfort zone was the biggest challenge. We were worried that it would turn out horribly, but that wasn’t the case. It was quite the opposite actually. Some went all out with their props; used desks/chairs in lieu of houses; used music during certain parts. They were amazing. Of course, none of them were perfect. Some forgot their lines, spurted out Japanese instead, had their back to the audience… but most importantly, they laughed, and they had fun. Some of them commented that they were really happy to have so much fun in English — and that’s what us elementary ALTs aim for, right?

When we were cleaning up at the end, one girl asked if I was going to cry at the graduation ceremony. And it just reminded me that, I only have 3 more lessons with these kids before they go off to junior high. They’re my absolute favourites, and I’m so sad that I won’t be teaching them come April. I thought I was done and dusted with graduations since getting my university degree. But it looks like there’ll be more to come.

Note: ALT = assistant language teacher, HRT = homeroom teacher.

edit 2015-03-19; I did the same lesson with another school with less students, and  it didn’t go as well. The students weren’t interested, seemed bored, and pretty much just stood there reading off the scripts (with katakana English) during their “performance”. I think I lucked out with my biggest school.

006. big bang japan dome tour ‘x’

170115: the day I went to Big Bang’s Japan Dome Tour ‘X’ 2014~2015 in Osaka, held at Kyocera Dome. (Woo, late report!) It wasn’t my first time seeing them perform live — my first (and only time before my most recent concert) was during a YG Family concert back in 2011. I had been waiting for the day ever since I found out about their tour back in October of last year, and opted for fanclub tickets in hopes of getting better seats. I headed to the venue early that day so I could purchase concert goods, and arrived just a bit after 12.30pm. The wait time wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated — I was done shopping in about an hour. It was, however, long enough for me to ponder way too hard about what goods to purchase… and ended up with 5 items as opposed to the only 2 I had in mind. Oops. But, no regrets, no regrets.

After checking into our hotel, getting ready, and meeting up with friends, we came back to the dome at 4pm. When the tickets arrived about a week prior, I couldn’t figure out exactly where we were seated. I had never been to Kyocera Dome before, and the website/charts were too complicated to navigate. So when the usher pointed towards a set of stairs that lead us down instead of up, we could barely contain our excitement. Our seats ended up being right next to the main stage that extended out, between the halfway point and the end. Seriously, we were so close that we could see each individual member’s faces while they performed on stage! I cannot believe we were so fortunate to receive such amazing seats. (Thank you to the first person who didn’t want to sell their tickets to me!)

The concert started just a bit past 5pm with iKon performing the opening act. I’m not familiar with iKon at all — the only member I vaguely know is Bobby, and that’s only because he was featured in a song with Lee Hi and Soohyun from AKMU (plus, he has the same name as my brother). Big Bang started their night with Fantastic Baby and the fans went absolutely insane (me included!) I swear I was about to cry when I saw Taeyang emerge from the stage ohhhmygod them feels. (I’ll try not to fangirl too much). Throughout the night, they performed many of my favourite songs (such as Haru Haru, Lies and My Heaven) and I could not be more happy with the setlist. I didn’t expect to like their Love Song performance as much as I did (it ended up being one of my favourites of the night) — I love how it’s such a serious song, yet everyone was just being silly, doing whatever they wanted to make the fans laugh, and it genuinely looked like they were having a blast on stage. My other favourite performance was Good Boy — GD and Taeyang absolutely nailed it.

I also enjoyed the speaking and fan interaction parts of the concert a lot. Even though they didn’t come anywhere near us (sadface), it was amazing being able to understand them, respond, and laugh at their jokes. Seungri’s Japanese really surprised me — I know that he appears on Japanese talk shows often, but hearing it impromptu on stage is completely different. They seem to like foreign fans a lot — next time I attend their concert, I’m bringing a New Zealand flag with me! Maybe also dye my hair blonde and wear blue contacts. Oh, and Dara showed up too! Not to perform, but as a fan attending the concert. She’s super cute!

The encore performance was absolutely incredible — there was still so much energy, despite it nearing the end of the show. I loved the idea of Seungri DJ-ing, and each member performed a solo of their’s. Both him and Daesung are much more charismatic in real life than on screen in my opinion. TOP is just as good looking as he is marketed to be (still can’t dance to save his life though, hah) and GD seemed very humble and genuine, especially when he thanked all of us for waiting three years for a come back. He promised that this year will be that year (YG even confirmed it himself!) And Taeyang — words cannot even describe how perfect he is. His voice, looks, the way he dances… including the lame jokes that he cracked throughout the concert (Kinryuu ramen, anyone?), everything. (Can you tell who’s my favourite?) iKon joined them on stage at the very end and they performed Sinosijak together. Despite their senior/junior relationship, the performance was very smooth, and everyone looked like they were enjoying themselves.

Overall, it was an amazing three+ hours, well worth the extra money I spent to get those fanclub tickets. I cannot wait for Big Bang’s come back this year — it’s going to be epic! (And if that means another tour in Japan… well, I’m definitely going!)

Setlist: (unofficial) 

  1. Long Time No See — iKon
  2. Sinosijak — iKon
  3. Fantastic Baby
  4. Tonight
  5. Stupid Liar
  6. Blue
  7. Haru Haru
  8. Gara Gara GO!!
  9. Top of the World
  10. Number 1
  11. Knock Out — GD & TOP
  12. High High — GD & TOP
  13. Bad Boy
  14. Tell Me Goodbye
  15. Cafe
  16. Lies
  17. Love Song
  18. Good Boy — GD & Taeyang
  19. Hands Up
  20. Feeling
  21. My Heaven
  22. Koe wo Kikasete

Encore:

  1. Baby Baby
  2. Strong Baby — Seungri
  3. Doom Dada — TOP
  4. RINGA LINGA — Taeyang
  5. Crooked — G-Dragon
  6. Look at Me, Gwisun — Daesung
  7. Fantastic Baby
  8. Sinosijak — with iKon

005. the winner’s curse by marie rutkoski | review

With all the hype surrounding the new 50 Shades of Grey movie, I was almost tempted to read the first novel and see what all the fuss is about, while waiting for the movie to come out on DVD so I can download it because I refuse to pay to watch the movie. Instead, I convinced myself out of such a horrendous thought, and decided to read a book I already had loaded into my Kobo — The Winner’s Curse, by Marie Rutkoski. After having a Lord of the Rings marathon session and binge watching season one of Game of Thrones, I was in the mood for something set in a similar fantasy, medieval-esque setting. And what a brilliant choice I made, because I finished the book in a week. Within as week. As in, less than seven days. If you know me, you know I’m not much of a reader. I usually try to read more, so that I’m not always watching a TV show/anime/drama/movie of some sort. (It generally doesn’t work).

The Winner’s Curse is when you come out on top of the bid, but only by paying a steep price.

The synopsis itself was enough to intrigue me — I mean, “a girl buys a boy at a slave auction” pretty much sounds like the perfect star-crossed lovers type romance setting. A forbidden love between master and slave. But The Winner’s Curse is so much more than just another “YA fantasy romance”. It’s political, betrayal, intense, so full of lies… and the author portrays these elements exceptionally well. The story falls between fantasy and historical fiction — set in an alternate yet believable world between the Valorian aristocrats and the Herrani slaves. It reads like a fantasy, yet there are no fantasy elements. While the relationship between the two main characters is a main focus of the book, it doesn’t cloud their judgement. They’re aware that they can’t be selfish in the middle of war.

The characters are fascinating. I wasn’t too fond of Kestrel at first, but she grew on me as she developed throughout the book. I like how she’s not perfect, how she’s not a fighter. Instead, she excels in her intelligence, and she knowingly uses it to her advantage. Arin on the other hand, I liked from the beginning. He’s rude, rebellious, the exact opposite of an obedient slave, yet it’s these qualities of his that attracted Kestrel (and me) to him in the first place. In regards to these aspects, the book was so close to perfection. There was just one aspect that I couldn’t quite understand: the romance. Now before I shock the world, let me explain. I do like Arin and Kestral together. I like how their relationship is heartbreaking, minimal yet apparent. But I couldn’t see when (and why) Arin fell in love. I saw it coming from Kestrel (because who wouldn’t fall in love with him?), but it took me a while to take in that Arin was also in love with her. I loved them eventually, but I could barely feel the “slow burn” that everyone else seemed to have felt right from the beginning. Despite that, everything else just fit so flawlessly, so I’m willing to overlook that fact.

The writing is beautiful, both in the attention to detail it gives, and the simplicity of it. Every detail weaves through the story perfectly, there’s no unnecessary blocks of information. Marie’s writing is gorgeous, and easy to read at the same time. She created a fictional world that seems so oddly familiar, and completely captivated me with her words, sentences, and incredible imagery. I cannot recommend this book enough — and The Winner’s Crime is definitely on my to-read-list once it’s released. Apparently it’s even better.

My verdict: ★★★★½

004. rimmel lasting finish soft colour blush: #010 santa rose

Note: Originally posted on my past beauty focused blog. Since I’ve decided to just have one blog for every topic I feel like writing about, I will be migrating some of my reviews over to here.

I’ve never really been a huge blusher type of girl. I’ll take eyeliner, brows, or even lipbalm over flushed cheeks any day, and my minuscule collection consists mainly of bright coral pink hues. I decided it was about time I step up my game and add a bit of variety into my everyday cheek colour — but it did take me a while to decide on which one. I wanted something natural and fuss free; something preferably from the ‘drugstore’ (nothing is considered drugstore in New Zealand, really) so I wouldn’t have to break the bank.

Cue Rimmel‘s Lasting Finish Soft Colour blush in #010 Santa Rose (£3.99). I came across this blush on ASOS a while ago while browsing through their beauty section (as I often do). I remember the blush being mentioned in a couple of YouTube videos, so it certainly intrigued me. After a quick Google search, it popped up on a lot of bloggers’ favourites, top blushes, and ‘best mediocre looking product that turns out to be amazing’ lists.

Complete with scratches on the flimsy looking plastic lid; the packaging isn’t the best. The lid has come off on me a few times, but it’s nothing that can’t be pushed back into place. I definitely do appreciate the makeover it has had — the design is much better than the old trapezium shaped packaging, and the embossed Union Jack on the surface is a nice touch. I was initially worried that the colour would be too light on my medium Asian skin tone, but I couldn’t be more wrong. While powdery when picked up with a brush, the pigmentation certainly impressed me quite a bit. The trick to this blush is to apply with a light hand and avoid going overboard (which I did the first time — my cheeks resembled a monkey’s butt). On my skin tone, it comes off as a warm peachy pink, with just a hint of brown.

While I haven’t tried any of the other shades in the range, if the quality remains consistent throughout, then I highly recommend picking one up. The blushes are affordable, excellent quality, and if not readily available at your local pharmacy, they can easily be found online. I purchased mine off ASOS, back when they still had their free international shipping option regardless of purchase price. I haven’t tried their new shipping service, but there are also a few other sites I would recommend, such as Feelunique, and eChemist.

003. to be read

To be honest, I’m not much of a reader. Sure, I read an overdose of manga and the occasional fanfiction, but novels are not my really my cup of tea. I’d much rather watch a movie; anime; drama; TV show, and snuggle up under my covers while doing so. However, with that being said, I want to go back to the time when I loved reading. Back to the 90s where it wasn’t as easy to stream or download every type of media available. To entertain myself, I read books and drew a lot. Jacqueline Wilson was my favourite author as a child — her books were easy to read, yet was able to bring me into a different world that I knew nothing about. While my interests and hobbies have strayed towards a different direction, reading has always been a favourite past time of mine, and I want to read more books this year.

Last year, I aimed to read 12 books. That’s one for every month, which shouldn’t be too hard, right? According to my Goodreads list, I finished reading about five books in total — I couldn’t even do half of my very small goal! I have a bad habit of taking weeks (sometimes even months) to finish a book… and that’s mostly because I stop reading for a few weeks/months before picking it up again. I have three books from last year that I still need to finish: The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (not a fan, but I’m so close I might as well finish it), The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides, and A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki (I might drop this…)

This year, my goal is to finish 10 books. Including the two from last year that I plan on finishing soon, this means I need to read another eight books. Now this really shouldn’t be that hard. The above four books are ones I want to read the most this year, mostly The Winner’s Curse by Marie Rutkoski, and Scarlet by Marissa Meyer. I read Cinder last year and liked it, a lot. I’m not very good when it comes to series (ironically the two that I want to read most fall under this category), I always feel like I need a breather after being captivated by a different world for so long.

Let’s hope this will be a good reading year. I already have Fangirl in my Kobo, waiting to be read after I finish the other two! (And while I’m at it, here’s a link to Room). Wish me luck!

002. looking back

Despite it barely being half a week since I stepped foot again onto Japanese grounds, I miss the warmth of Singapore & Malaysia already. I miss travelling, the taste of authentic Chinese food (a craving that is hard to satisfy in Japan), I miss the stress-free mindset and the freedom that comes with being on holiday.

While I’d love to blog about my little trip, I do want to start off the new year by writing a little review of 2014 (cliché much?). I started off 2014 by attending my cousin’s wedding (which was also my first wedding ever!), and spending time with family in Macau, Hong Kong & China. I went back to work again soon after arriving back in New Zealand, and repeated the same routine everyday for over half a year (after already doing it for a year prior). Considering the economy in the last few years and the number of unemployed graduates floating around in the job market, I was fortunate to have landed a role in a respectable company soon after finishing uni. But I never really enjoyed working in the insurance industry — I was always complaining about the not-so-nice customers; exhausted at the expectations; tired of the repetitiveness of it all…

I wanted change.

And I was determined to do it. The process was stressful, nerve-wrecking, and (for the lack of a better word) long — but I did it. I moved to a new country, started a completely new job I had zero experience in; removing myself from the comfort of a stable, decent paying job back home (that I had no passion for). I’m not even sure right now if I have a passion for teaching or not, but I’d rather see my kids smile knowing that they’re having fun learning English, compared to barely being acknowledged after saving someone a couple of hundred dollars on their insurance premium. I’m using Japanese way more than I ever have before, and with that comes improvement. I would love to become even better, but rather than setting this as a New Year’s resolution, this is an ongoing goal for me. No matter where I am, how long I stop using it, I will always try to improve my Japanese. I’ve also done a little bit of travelling — while not very far, I’ve now been to a few more places in Japan that I hadn’t been to before. And of course, Singapore and Malaysia!

Now that’s not to say 2014 didn’t have its struggles. This year was probably the hardest for me and the boyfriend. At the beginning of the year, he moved to Australia to look for a job. His plan was to come back in 6 months time if it didn’t work out, but we both knew that there was the possibility of me moving to Japan as well, so we were potentially heading towards a long term, long distance relationship. We’re not complete amateurs when it comes to long distance — he was away for 3 months 2 summers in a row (total 6 months) for an internship in China, and I had my half a year exchange in Tokyo. Including last year (it feels sort of strange typing that!), out of the 5 years we’ve been together, almost 2 years of it has been long distance. I’m a believer of long distance relationships, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Sometimes I don’t miss him as much as I feel like I should, or I don’t miss him at all. I don’t always feel the need to see or talk to him. And that feeling of… not feeling has bothered me for a very long time. I was scared that my feelings were fading, scared that I was falling out of love, scared that I’d make a stupid decision and regret it for years to come. Isn’t it strange that, I wanted change in my life, yet I was so afraid of this aspect of it changing at all?

Without getting into too much detail, meeting him in Singapore after not really having had time together in almost a year… well, my feelings haven’t changed at all, and I think it’s going to stay that way for a very, very long time. I’ve realised that it’s okay to not miss your significant other once in a while. It’s okay to not talk to him 24/7, and have time to yourself. Because it doesn’t mean your feelings are less genuine, less real. It just means that you experience love a little differently to others.

This year, I want to stop worrying. I want to be free, I want to feel as if there’s nothing weighing me down. I don’t intend on making Japan my permanent home — so while I’m here, I want to enjoy a stress-free life as much as possible; travel to as many places as I can; and hopefully find out what direction I would like to head towards when it’s time for me to step back into the real world.

Here’s to 2015.